There is a fundamental lesson in Buddhism and Hindu that the root of all suffering is attachment. This is often interpreted as needing to not have any possessions—to not hold anything dear, if you wish to avoid suffering.

However, I think there is a distinction to elaborate upon. It’s not simply holding on to anything which causes suffering, but rather, not being able to let go when it is time to.

I often visualize it as if I were stranded in the middle of an ocean and a dolphin comes along and helps me swim by attaching to it. However, if at some point it goes deeper under water, I would not be able to safely cling to it for long…

There is a difference between when attachment to anything serves me well and when it becomes detrimental.

I recently heard someone (I forgot who, it was on some podcast) express that “grief is the receipt of love”. Essentially, accepting the sorrow that inevitably comes from losing a loved one. Acknowledging that this is the other side of the coin… Rather than feeling shame or wondering “what’s wrong with me, why can’t I get over this?”

I wrote about this sentiment and shared it at my grandmother’s funeral—how the pain of loss is directly proportional to the extent of love held—the sorrow implies that love. So while it is painful, I simultaneously feel the immense warmth and joy of where that pain is stemming from. It’s such a contrasting mix of emotion I find quite peculiar. “the duality of pleasure and pain”.

There’s a part in Alan Watts’ book “Nature, Man and Woman” where he mentions someone he met who, upon recognizing the inevitable detachment from all worldly matter which occurs upon death and the inverse implication of that painful separation, decided to live his life seeking attachments. I see some wisdom of this. It’s sort of the opposite of recoiling from being open to relationships after experiencing heartbreak—Which, while appropriate given how much that experience can stay with you and get in the way of focusing on other meaningful matters… can also be a detrimental lesson to learn.

I personally experienced this after my most recent heartbreak. I stopped wanting to interact with people, closing myself off. But I know that truly, I want to be able to love freely and not deny myself such wonderful experiences just because of the pain of letting go. Rather, my goal is to get better at accepting the nature of attachments and embracing the entire spectrum.